Difficult weekend...

I dont really know how to post about this or if to even post at all but this is part of my life and i feel i need to share
On saturday morning I had a visit from a friend from church who was delivering some tragic news. Lalo was at work as he's rostered on this weekend so i'm kinda glad she came in person rather than tell me over the phone as was the plan.

Sadly i was informed of a life lost very close to our family... Joshua (4mth shy of his 3rd birthday) had died during the night.

Just typing this is so surreal i can only imagine the battle inside Karl & Nadine's hearts right now as they begin to come to terms with this.

To take you inside our friendship let me just say that we've meeting together for almost a year now once a week for the kids to play, we have morning tea, play some more then lunch and then everyone toddles off home for a sleep. Well the kids do anyways :)

So this is a real shock to us and as we've been saying since it happened we probably won't feel the effects of it until we all meet up again. There will always be the void of someone telling this little one to 'back it up from the tv' or having to rush over to an existing structure that Joshua is climbing so he doesnt fall and hurt himself. No one can deny he was full on, always trying something new, always finding a new way to create adventure usually to the horror of those watching but he never managed to hurt himself and was never a threat to those around him so just being a boy really.

As a photographer he was both a dream and a nightmare... those beautiful big blue eyes that went right through you, cradled in that sweet face full of mischief and gorgeous blond hair with natural highlights... but that just never sat still enough for you to capture it! Yes, this is a very sad time for those left behind... we have the memories and the photos and the stories but we dont have the real thing to keep building it all up.

I know in my heart that God has a bigger and better plan than what i could ever imagine, and I know in my heart that he has his reasons for even letting us all get attached to this little life for such a short time so i rest in this and i praise him all the more allowing us to experience the rush that was Joshua Karl.

We love you Joshua and you will be sorely missed and treasured in our all hearts.
**************************************************

In the midst of all of this i have also been scrapping, but this time is was more than just a release of creative juices but more an escape from reality to some sort of normality if you will. I battle feelings of guilt because i know the above cant be denied or escaped... I think for me it is that i need to do to stay sane and be able to function.